UNTELLABLE

Despite my best efforts to move myself ever forward, I am finding myself in some weird holding pattern today. My sister’s mother-in-law passed away last night and although we never spent a lot of time together, I did know her. The news simmered in my brain and slowly effected my perspective. This woman was my niece’s other grandma. I am very close with my niece and she is very close with my mom, her grandma. I realized that my mom is at an age where old age is right around the corner. I’ve known it for a while, but have been able to stave such thoughts off because she and my dad are so active, such vibrant people that age hasn’t slowed them down. But, shit happens. My niece’s other grandma was in Paris last month, living it up…and now she’s dead…from cancer that had been living inside her. It happened so fast. It’s really frightening to think about how fast life can slip away.

The skies went dark this morning and clouds hosted a thunderstorm that has rattled my windows. I cannot focus. All I want to do is sit and read and soak up time. I want to buy a ticket to go visit my parents. Death has a way of stopping everything and making the living reassess it all.